Change is Hard, But God is Good!

I have wanted to start this post for MONTHS, but just haven't done it. Probably for many different reasons, but we just won't go there, and I will just get started because there is A LOT to say! :)

There are many of you that don't know about all of the changes that now have already happened (which is part of the reason why I wanted to write a post sooner, so I could let everyone know if the changes BEFORE they occurred, but I had a hard time processing everything that was happening and it has been a crazy couple of months!), so this post will be a lot of NEWS for many of you! I want to apologize if this is the way you are having to hear about so many drastic changes in my life, I know there are a lot of people I haven't been able to talk to directly about all of this.

I want to step back a little bit to talk about the process that has brought me to where I am today, for those of you who don't yet know the background. Three years ago I left my job in foster care after I felt led to a position in ministry at Hill Country Bible RR. I have been INCREDIBLY blessed to serve with my staff team there over the past three years and I am going to miss them so much! I had my last day with my team on Thursday, and it is so sad to not be at the office with them anymore! They have each blessed, encouraged, and challenged me in ways that I will never be able to verbalize and I will be FOREVER grateful for the time that I have had with my team!

My AMAZING Staff Team at RR!
(Left to Right- Dionne, Jacob, Nick, Me, Keith, Amy, Douglas, Bobbie, Tracey)

So, you are wondering where I am going from here? Well...first this still requires some more time talking about the past few years. I was already connected to Hill Country RR before joining staff, and had also begun to get to know the Shock family before our church began in the fall of 2007. After joining staff as Nick's admin, I had many more opportunities to connect with his wife Jada and their four precious kids. After my apartment lease ended in 2010, they invited me to come and do life with their family and live in their home. I was blown away by their offer to add another person to their already very full household, but was so blessed by the offer and I was excited about the idea of having more opportunities to love on the kiddos! I had no idea what God was preparing me for as He placed me in their home at that time, and later was just continually amazed at how perfectly He had timed the move and placing me with them.

Five months after moving in with the Shocks, I was diagnosed with meningitis and it has now been a 20+ month battle. I am continually amazed as I see how God's faithfulness has played out OVER AND OVER during this season: financially, physically, in my job, in relationships, etc. and one of the main ways was through the timing of placing me right where He desired for me to be when I would be sick. If I had been living alone during this season, I can't even imagine where I would be right now....and the Lord definitely knew that. The joy of having four young children to snuggle up with in the mornings and to fill the house with laughter during the day has made this season of sickness have such a different outcome than it could have! Again...God KNEW this before I even was sick! I am soooo thankful for a God who knows each and every need that we have and a God who CARES! I am so encouraged by Psalm 139:2-3 & 16-"You know when I sit down and when I stand up; You understand my thoughts from far away. You observe my travels and my rest; you are aware of all my ways." "Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began." So why do I ever worry about my future?? God knows and He holds each day in His hand!

If you don't know them, let me introduce you to The Shocks! (Me, Leif, Jada-due with Krae ANYDAY!, Emry, Nick, Keirah, and Aubryn)

The Four Precious Kids! (We can't wait for Baby Krae to join the bunch any day!)

So, part of the reason that Nick and Jada prayed about inviting me to move in was so that I could pay down my student loans so that I would be debt free and ready to move to Africa when God allowed. (this has been something I have felt He was calling me to at some point since I was 16) Over the past year and a half I thought the time was getting closer and that He might allow me to go soon, and I had an opportunity come up last spring to possibly move to Uganda this January (2012). I thought that maybe my time had finally come! I had been praying and waiting for almost 11 years at that point for God to send me, and I kept telling Him I was ready! It was a hard process of praying for weeks and really seeking Him on if this was the time, but due to the meningitis, I felt that God was saying "not now". I was so sad to not get the answer I wanted, but that process was such a growing process for me! At the end I was at such peace about it and had really learned that I have to stop trying to convince God that MY plans, no matter how "good" they seem, are best for me. HE is the one that holds my days in His hand and He is the one that sees my future and knows what is best! Why do I get frustrated when He doesn't do what I want? I can't see the whole picture, so I REALLY don't know what is best for me! Do you ever struggle with that?

So probably for the first time in my life, though sad about not getting to move forward with my "dream"...I walked away from that decision trusting the Lord more with my future and I honestly was filled will excitement about WHATEVER He had for me in 2012, without having a CLUE what that was! And if you know me...you know that I HATE the unknown, HATE change, and HATE not having a plan! God has really been working on my heart in this area.

So, I later learned that Nick and Jada would be planting a church at some point in 2012. While my heart was ready to commit to the plant, I knew that I couldn't base my decision on emotion. I spent about 2 months in prayer about it and really felt like God was calling me to commit. We had no idea where the plant would be, what it would look like, and I didn't know where I would work. This was a BIG step out of my comfort zone, but I again felt huge excitement and I knew it was all from the Lord and knew that His hand was in it! I was ready to go and looking forward to the adventure that He had for me!

I will be honest...I didn't have a very hard time trusting back then when the details were very sketchy and it was still "pretty far off". But my tendency toward anxiety and my desire to be in control and to know that I have everything worked out and lined up has definitely crept up more and more as this has all become a reality. I have to continually remind myself of Matthew 6:25-34 when Jesus is teaching about worry. "...Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth more than they?" Did you need that reminder today also? I am praying and trusting the Lord to continue to provide, just as He has been providing. So thankful for His promise to remain faithful!

Where that brings me today:
I finished on staff at HCBRR on Thursday and officially began yesterday as the admin for Redemption City Church, which is the name of the new church plant! We will be located in South Austin and are moving down in the next 4-6 weeks. Please be praying for our team of 7 families as we transition down to South Austin. Everyone is in the process of selling their homes and purchasing new ones. In addition, I am in the process of raising financial support. My goal is to raise $15,000 for the first year of ministry that will cover my salary and medical insurance benefits. I have been EXTREMELY blessed to have the opportunity to keep medical insurance through Redemption, as I have continued to struggle with my health, and have required 3 surgeries since December. While I will work for Redemption, I also was just hired at a foster care/adoption agency in Austin where I will work to make up the remainder of my salary. Please pray for balance in maintaining both of the jobs and for the transition down south. Also, if you would like to give towards this, please contact me and I can tell you the best way to do this.

MANY CHANGES COMING! I don't think I have ever experienced such dramatic change all at once, but I am excited about the future and looking forward to what God has next! If you want to know more about the new church, check us out at redemptionaustin.org or follow us on Twitter at @RedemptionATX

Music to Buy!

I am waaaay overdue for a post and have about 15 posts in my head that I have been wanting to write, but those will have to wait. Hopefully I will get back into the blog world soon, but for now I wanted to tell you about something that is coming next week!

Austin Stone Worship is releasing their new album on Tuesday, December 6th!!! It is going to be great! You can even go to their website at http://austinstoneworship.com and download 3 free tracks to get a preview. Check it out and get ready for the release! Hope that you are as blessed by their music as I have been!

Capture Gratitude (1-5)

I have seen a cool weekly posting idea on a blog that I follow (you should follow it too!) and I decided to join in on the fun! :) I apologize in advance if I don't keep up with it weekly, though I will do my best. Mandie does 10 things each week, and she also is an amazing photographer. I need to step up the frequency of my photography, so for now I will start with 5 things each week. Maybe this will help me to be more likely to keep up. :)

The idea behind each of these posts was taken from the following quotation from Fredrick Buechner: “There is no event so common place but that God is present within it, always hidden, always leaving you room to recognize Him or not to recognize Him.”

So let's get started with 5 things that I am thankful for this week!

1. These Sweet Girls!


2. The ability to pray for these Two Precious Children on the other side of the world

Jamrick


Lydia


3. Beth Moore Studies!



4. Precious Time on Summer Dates with the Little Ones





5. God's Promises in Psalm 33

Giving up everything...for true love

This past Sunday at church Jacob started our new series called "Compelled" and spoke on the passage of Luke 9:18-27. (You can download the sermon here) He spent a lot of time breaking down what Jesus calls us to do if we are going to follow him, which is outlined clearly in verse 23.

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23

Jesus said that in order to follow him there are 3 essential things we must do. We must deny ourselves, we must give up our rights and desires, and center our focus on who Jesus is. We also must take up our cross daily, we have to be willing to give up our lives and live in total sacrifice for him. Last, he calls us to follow him. We will "go where he says to go, when he says, and do what he says to do."

This command is so key to being a disciple of Christ! Yet, we struggle so often to give up our desire for comforts, the things we think we "deserve", praise from other people, and temporary personal gain. I found a great example this morning, a girl that I have followed for a long time now. I have a lot of connections and several friends who live in Uganda, and that is how I learned about Katie Davis a long time ago. I have followed her blog and her ministry, Amazima, for a few years and she has served in the first orphanage that I served in when I went to Uganda in 2008. Her story is incredible, and nothing short of a life sacrificed and sold out to the call the Lord gave her. Watch the short video below...I guarantee you will be blessed by those 4 minutes.

The Journey Continues...365 days later

Hard to believe that today a year has gone by since the beginning of my symptoms of meningitis! I never would have imagined one year ago that I would be where I am right now. Let me explain...

When I woke up that first morning, I knew that something was not right...and it wasn't just a normal "I am getting a cold" feeling. I have spent so much of my life going going going and I am horrible about resting and allowing God to be in control of things. I had been praying since January of last year that God would really work on me in that area of my life, and He definitely listened! Well, within hours of waking up that morning, I knew that I had to let everything go and God was starting that process of growing me in the area of releasing control. Little did I know, it wasn't going to be a quick and easy process. I have definitely never been in a place where I was unable to do just about anything but sleep, and that was the beginning of my process of learning to give up control, and trust God to take care of things for me.

So then I thought that within a month I would be back to normal, which seems like a while...but would be okay. After a month went by, then two, then three...started to wonder what was going on. And so did the doctors. Daily medications were started that would take months to work, but ultimately were supposed to change my brain chemistry back to normal. Sometimes the brain chemistry is altered from the infection and just can't return to normal on it's own. During this time I really had learned so much about resting and trusting that God's plan and timing are perfect, and I don't need to try to plan around that. So hard for me though, always wanting to know the plan! ;)

A year later, physically there has not been too much change and it looks like the process could be a lot longer than we once thought. I have learned that many people deal with the nasty after effects for years and some effects stay for a lifetime. I won't lie and say that it hasn't been hard this past year. It has definitely been full of plenty of frustration and discouragement with the lack of progress. It is hard to not have answers and to often feel like life has been put on hold. BUT...I know that my life is NOT on hold, but that God knew that meningitis would start for me on July 25th, 2010 and He knows when it will all be over. He has a plan and He is accomplishing things in me during this time that will be for GOOD! For THAT I am so thankful! I am CHOOSING to trust God in this situation, because I know that He is God and He alone is all-powerful. I am currently reading a book by Jerry Bridges and he wrote one quote that really stuck out to me. "God's plan and His ways of working out His plan are frequently beyond our ability to fathom and understand. We must learn to trust when we don't understand." I often struggle to understand in many circumstances, but I DO need to learn to continue to trust in those circumstances as well! God is faithful!

"He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. (Psalm 121:3-4)

Powerful Quote at a Perfect Time

Encouraging quote from "Streams in the Desert" By Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, James Reimann:

"If you have surrendered yourself to Christ, your present circumstances that seem to be pressing so hard against you are the perfect tool in the Father’s hand to chisel you into shape for eternity. So trust Him and never push away the instrument He is using, or you will miss the result of His work in your life."

What I have learned over the past 10 months...

Hard to believe that 10 months have now gone by since I got sick with meningitis...and there are still questions and tests being run, not sure what is ahead, but trusting the Lord to continue to grow me and teach me through this season.

As the 25th of each month comes, I can't help but think about what has happened in my life since July 25th, and today I have been reflecting on many of the things that I have been learning in this season:

1) God is in control and I am not. This has DEFINITELY been evident over and over through this process since day one. I had to learn the hard way to stop trying to control life and everything around me...and I am thankful to have the Lord to trust as the one watching over my life!

2) Rest is vital This has been a continual learning process for me, and one that I think I will always be learning, but I am getting it gradually. I have been learning how important rest is, not only physically, but spiritually. I can become so caught up in working, in focusing on tasks and my "to do list", and in keeping busy that I don't ever take time to just breathe...and ultimately I end up crashing and it effects more than just me, but those around me. I become disconnected from those that I love and care about and even more importantly I can become disconnected in my relationship with my Creator. I went away for two nights this past weekend to Lake Conroe and it was so refreshing and restful, that I have just forgotten how good it is to just stop and relax. I definitely need to be reminded to do that more often. It is so important!

3) People are so important! Since I have been sick, it feels like one of the first things that was affected was my relationships. Naturally, when I don't feel good I need even more alone time than when I feel good. I have definitely been realizing recently how distant some of my friendships have become over the past 10 months and it makes me so sad. It has made me realize just how thankful I am for the people that God has placed in my life and for how He continually uses those relationships to teach me!

Ok, so I can only list 3 things right now...but know that there are PLENTY more...I just can't write them out right now! :)